I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
