one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize