6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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