we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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