um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want is dick and wine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
