evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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