it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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