Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
