And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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