Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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