Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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