I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
