You really coming over, don't trick.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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