okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
