I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize