I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
