Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
