I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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