just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
