Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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