i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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