I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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