i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
