some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
