so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
