he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
