I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
