Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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