Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
