i just google imaged poop.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
