i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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