Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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