apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
