What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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