she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I just put wine in my tea
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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