Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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