i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
