you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
