who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
