my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
