dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
