the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
