good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
