saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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