my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
