i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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