i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
