the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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