I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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