Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
