His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize