I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize