She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
