omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
