My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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