Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
