does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Couch. On fire.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize