WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
