It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
