look no pants
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
